Thirty years

I've had trouble with birthdays the last few years. Every year since I turned twenty-four, it's been harder and harder. The momentum I created of freaking out about birthdays got so bad that I've been referring to this birthday as my twenty-tenth every time anyone asked me how old I was. Today I am thirty. And now that it's here, I really have to say it's not as bad as I thought it would be. And I think that so much of that anxiety about my age in previous years has had more to do with where my life was at the time than the actual number of years I've been on this earth. And I have to admit, I'm finally happy with where I am in my life and thirty really just doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Here are some things that are particularly good right now:

• My marriage. Most people know this already, but I've been married and divorced and am now re-married to the most amazing partner I could ask for. Having previously been married gives me the distinct advantage  of being able to especially appreciate how nice life is when you have a good marriage. And I do appreciate it. Every single day. And I tell Jesse every day how much I appreciate him, what a good husband and partner he is and how much I love being married to him. He is truly my best friend, my greatest strength and my biggest fan. It's really hard not to be happy with all of that goodness going on.
• My career. I've been to something like 6 different colleges, never settled on a major, never finished any degree. And I've spent the last 10 years (quite by accident really) working in payroll. For the most part, I've had some really well-paying, but soul-sucking positions. Until now. I finally have a boss that appreciates my expertise in my field and trusts me to do my job without looking over my shoulder every second. I have the freedom to create the procedures and goals for my own department and I was able to hire and train my own assistant. We work really well together and overall I really couldn't be happier with my current work environment. My boss tells me nearly every day how much she appreciates having someone in the position that she trusts to get the job done right. It's a really good feeling.
• My family. I've always been really close with my family, but in the last few years I really feel like it's been even better. Since my dad is also a fan of the way my life is turning out, he has not hesitated to let me know how well I'm doing. And I actually feel like the older I get, the more I am like my dad. And I feel like I'm closer to him today than I ever have been. Also, when Jesse and I got married and moved to Utah, my closest relative (geographically speaking) became my brother, Robert. Rob and I were never close growing up and I like that we have a relationship now and I have a great relationship with all of his awesome kids. I've also had the opportunity to visit my oldest brother, Bill, and his family in the last few years. He lives out near DC so it's hard to feel close, but I really feel like our relationship has grown. And now that I talked him into signing up on Facebook(!!), I get to hear more about the little daily things that you miss when you're far away from the people you love. The rest of my family is great as well, but since we've always been close, I'll spare you the details.
• My faith. This is an immensely personal subject for me, so I'll just say that I'm glad to be back. And we'll leave it at that.
• My house. I complain about it a lot, it's true. And it's not my dream home by any stretch of the imagination. But I am grateful that we have a house and being a homeowner is one of the things that has made my life feel a little more established, so I'll go ahead and mention that here as well since it would be significantly tougher for me to turn 30 if I was, say, living in my mother's basement or something.
• My dogs. Yeah, this one is a little silly too, but I never imagined that having a couple of goofy dogs would be so rewarding. They drive me crazy, of course, but I'm grateful for them for them and for how they've made us seem more like a family in our little house instead of just a couple of people living in a big empty house. Which really brings me to the next/last one:
• Having a baby. I'll admit, I'm scared as all get out! I know my life is going to change tons and I've never felt like I could take this GINORMOUS step before. But now that all of those other things are in place and I know that I've got that foundation of GOODNESS underneath all this uncertainty, I'm ready to take that leap of faith. I'm ready to start a family with a man that I adore. We're blessed so far with a healthy pregnancy and the promise of a beautiful baby boy (Liam, for those of you unawares) at the end of the rainbow. And I couldn't be happier.

So I hope you can forgive the somewhat emotional post from me. I usually don't like to go all sappy, but I'm going to go ahead and blame the hormones, so you've no choice but to forgive and forget. It's the rules (ask Jesse!)